god!

Prompt Party!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:26:16 GMT

(Things that should never change: Supernatural, Alex Skarsgard*, and delicious ginger molasses cookies yum yum yum!)

So I signed up for Yuletide the other day, and alas, there's two stories that I really really want (Nate/Flynn for Uncharted and Brutus/Antony for Rome) and then I blanked on the third. I mean, there's a lot I would love to read but not nearly as much as the first two. (I picked History Boys just because I really enjoy Dakin and Irwin and it's pretty rare, and also because there's enough good Gen Kill fic out there that I am not in dire need of more per se.)

But while I was considering very seriously (as you do) what fandoms I could write for, I realized that I could totally come up with at least 1000 words of Eric/Godric backstory with the right motivation. Which got me thinking...

Prompt Party! I kind of want to write something but have no idea what, so if anyone has any ideas, I am all up for it! Give me a fandom, pairing/characters you want to see, and any kind of a prompt. I think everyone's saying at least 200 word responses, but it might be more a bit more. Also, I am way more of a fandom slut than I appear to be so you can totally request any fandom that I know/appear to know/should know, and if I can do it, I will. Go wild!

*To clarify: I am totally talking about the lolz-y outfit and not the interview. Oh Alex! I am endeared.

I got lost in Cambridge today and it is still an awesome day!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:26:26 GMT

(A consolation to the getting lost is that I at least got lost in Harvard Square, and if I ever write a proper Nate-in-Boston fic, I now have the....research to back it up. \o/)

Guys, After Action Report: The Generation Kill Transcript Project is open. I'll take a moment to let you bask in one of the greatest things to ever happen to GK fandom. (Too bad your fandom is not awesome enough to have a transcript archive, screencap gallery, character gallery, maps, timeline, and more.) Seriously, everyone needs to just go pour love on oxoniensis because I had a bit of an inside look at all the organization involved and just woah, I don't even know how she does it! She is like the Nate Fick of fandom, for realz! And she made the whole experience very fun and exciting so ♥♥♥!

But also, this whole thing was such a team effort, and I am still amazed at just the sheer number of people who contributed. My entire team (madmaxmaddison, live_laugh_love, and stealmyluck) was so great, even with Christeson's crazy movie dialogue impersonations and Alpha wondering all over the place. You guys rock so much! ♥♥♥

*

So you know how Intersections is my favourite fic of all time? Well, kaneko is writing prompt snippets, and last time it brought me Brad and Nate at the beach (hi, Chel/ocean = OTP 4EVA!) so I cannot wait to read everything! The awesome has already begun pouring in!

(Someone make her write more of the prison-ship AU! I need more of this universe like I need water.)

*

Guys, Uncharted has made it in as a Yuletide fandom. I watched the boyfriend play this game (it's a pretty amazing game, the way the storytelling is done is amazing), and the minute Flynn stepped into the scene, I started telling him about how Flynn and Drake are so definitely sexing it up.

And now I can request it for Yuletide. This is totally enough reason for me to sign-up. ♥

*

In conclusion, thank you fandom for being awesome beyond words. ♥

fic | Last Stop Before the Promised Land [ZQ/Matt Bomer, ZQ/Chris Pine]

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:29:06 GMT

Ok, so trolleys asked for ZQ/Matt Bomber a few days ago, and I thought I could at least provide comment-fic since she's been drawing OMG SO AMAZING BRAD/NATE. But yeah, apparently I don't know what comment-fic is because I broke the character limit by a bit.

A word of warning, here's what I know about Matt Bomer the Person: he's very pretty and he likes to kiss boys. My knowledge of ZQ is basically limited to his bromance videos with Chris Pine. And if Chris Pine isn't that douchey, then ZQ isn't really this much of an asshole, and Matt Bomer isn't this slutty-esque (♥).

Also, un-betaed (and written mostly at 3 am). Sorry! It was suppose to be comment-fic, and I suck at finding betas quickly! :'(

Last Stop Before the Promised Land
zq/matt bomer, zq/chris pine, r, 2,300 words

*

Zachary Levi, that asshole, shows up at Marquee half an hour late and wearing an overaged twink brunette on his arm. He introduces the guy as “You remember Matt, right?” which is always bad etiquette because no one ever does.

Most days, Zach likes the other Zac just fine but not when he’s spent the lead-in of his first hiatus Friday night making small talk with “I’m an actor/actress”es. Even if he did pick the club.

Matt’s the kind of pretty that Zach remembers mostly from theater school. Zach remembers fucking a couple of them usually right after they got the big heroic lead in the school play.

Matt likes to tell dirty jokes in a charming, rolling timber, elbows slouched on the bar behind him. Zac laughs at all of them even though Matt’s used the phrase “a fucking eleven inch boner” in at least two.

It’d make more sense if Zac was gay or at least bi-curious. Zach does’t see the appeal besides the obvious. He excuses himself and heads for the bathroom.

*

Zach’s just got his zipper down when Matt walks in. There’s five empty spots, but Matt takes the one next to him. Of course.

Over the urinal wall, Matt does a slow check out of his dick and gives him a grin like the most obvious bad porno come-on ever. Zach tries not to roll his eyes.

*

It’s raining when Zach finally gets out of the club. The air’s filled with the smell of musty New York pavement and escaping subway fumes. Zach doesn’t have an umbrella with him.

The club door opens behind him, letting out a brief chorus of bad techno.

It’s Matt. The rain and the street lamps suit him even better than the glow of strobe lights. “Hey,” he says, “you want to share a cab?”

It’s been one of those nights. Zach can feel a headache coming on. He leans in close and whispers, “Despite the peacock mascot, I’m afraid ABC’s where you have to go for the ass-fucking.”

“So you’re saying you’re straight?” Matt sounds genuinely confused.

Zach’s not. Zach has a date with a nice, big cock and a pretty smile waiting for him back at his hotel room, but it’s not any of Matt’s business. He says, “I’ll leave the interpretation up to you.”

Zach takes the first cab that stops. In the rearview mirror, he sees Matt go back into the club.

*

The next morning, Zach wakes up with the worst non-hangover hangover ever. He wasn’t drinking enough to matter, but he still feels a vein pulsing at his temple: thump thump thump. Thankfully, the trick from last night is gone. It’s one of the things Zach likes most about New York; everyone knows the script and sticks to it.

On his cell, Zac’s texted, Did you leave early last night couldnt find you after you ok? Want to get lunch or something.

He was rude last night, probably abysmally so. Zach’s usually a decent friend until he gets bored. He once had an ex-boyfriend call him a “charming, selfish bastard” on the breakup voicemail.

He texts back, Sorry, I wasn’t feeling very well and cut out early, and, because he’s feeling guilty, Your friend Matt is pretty cool.

*

The hiatus always throws him off-kilter. When he’s working, he feels a lot easier about goofing off, hanging out in over-priced hotspots and trashing the locals.

During the break, he has a lot of time to think. His agent keeps feeding him scripts that’s either pretentious art house bullshit or like the guy who helps the best friend get back his girl.

He feels restless. He’s not bored with Heroes yet, but if he’s honest, at least with himself, he’s getting there. He keeps fantasizing about quitting. He gets lost in the stark finality of it.

But he wouldn’t do it.

*

He spends three weeks in New York before he needs to head home to do a script reading for Kring.

On his second to last night there, Zac takes him out with a bunch of the people from his show. Chuck’s been renewed for a full run which means they’re all getting a raise. Everyone seems to know Matt.

Matt’s quieter around them for some reason. He’s wearing a light blue Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up and belted gray slacks. Last time, he was in a t-shirt and jeans. He looks five years older, more composed.

“Sorry, I was such an asshole last time,” Zach says.

“No worries,” Matt says back and smiles. It crinkles the corners of his eyes, makes them look a little less startled, a little less blue. It’s a good look on him.

“Let me make it up to you. Buy you a drink at least.”

“But still no ass-fucking, huh?”

“Sorry,” Zach says.

*

Heroes starts filming again in August. After three months of drifting, it’s good to have a schedule again. For the first month, Zach is only late for half of his early morning shoots.

*

He gets the call to do Star Trek in December.

*

Heroes is pretty big budget, but Star Trek is big budget on a whole other level. Zach spends a lot of time rolling around full-scale sets and getting ferried back and forth in blackout curtained golf carts.

His wake-up calls get even earlier. He’s mostly good about being on time.

He gets along with almost all of his castmates. Actors are usually some pretty fun people, but Star Trek’s boy-club camaraderie (plus Zoe) is easy and unassuming. He has it on </i>Heroes</i> to be sure. He has good friends already, but the novelty gives it an edge.

It’s a great three months. Better than he would have predicated.

*

In Australia, Zach looks out across Sydney harbor to the Opera House where they’ve had the premier the night before. It’s early; he’s still buzzing a little from the champagne and the commotion.

But he wants to see it, just once, when the morning air still carries the crispness of dew and the only foot traffic is from the really dedicated joggers. He wants to see the familiar arches of the Opera House’s roof, precise as a postcard, and know that it’s real.

*

Zach makes it through two months of promotions and gains a new best friend. He and Chris worked well on set, but out of costume, they’re even better.

Chris is funny and charming and smart. Zach is more impressed than he thought he’d be.

*

All of the L.A. parties Zach’s been to involved a pool. This one’s no different even if it’s J.J.’s pool.

Amongst the Star Trek people is the usual Hollywood crowd. Zach watches as Lindsey Lohan introduce herself to Chris with an air kiss like they’ve never co-starred in a movie together. Chris smiles back and nods to her gushing. She keeps a finger twirling the trailing ends of her hair.

From across the pool, Chris catches Zach’s eye and loses it, body bent nearly in half in laughter. His wine class shakes precariously but doesn’t spill. Lindsey looks confused.

Chris makes his way over. His loafers make a tapping sound against the poolside tile. He says, “Man, can you believe our lives?”

*

Chris’s mouth is hot on his the minute the front door finishes closing. Chris kept a respectable three feet between them on the walk up the driveway. On the cab ride over, Chris’s hand worked his cock through the denim of his jeans, Chris’s teeth sharp on his shoulder blade.

The stop and go is giving Zach vertigo.

They make it the bedroom without tripping on any of the clothes they’ve lost along the way.

Chris’s blowjob routine seems to involve more enthusiasm than technique. It’s good anyway. He lets Zach come in his mouth and doesn’t spit it out until after Zach’s done.

Chris finds the condom and lube in the bedside table. Zach flips over on his stomach. He hasn’t been fucked in awhile but tonight’s as good as any to start again.

Chris is slow going in but he gets into it pretty quickly. “Fuck Zach, you’re so tight,” he says against Zach’s ear. “Fuck fuck fuck-”

*

Predictably, Zach’s alarm clock goes off before he’s ready. Next to him, Chris blinks sleepily.

“Hey,” Zach says.

Chris looks back at him with the biggest Bambi post-shooting eyes that Zach’s ever seen. He flinches when Zach reaches a hand out.

“Look man, last night-, I’m not-“

He probably really wasn’t. Zach knows the type.

It’s too early for this conversation. Zach says instead, “Ok, just get out.”

Chris gets.

*

Two days later, Zach gets a text from Cho that says, dude did u no that ur bf is banging som chick from da Hills. Zach texts back, I hope he uses a condom.

*

Chuck’s filmed in L.A. just like Heroes, but Zac’s family is based in New York. Zac has a brother-in-law who’s some hotshot Broadway producer type and throws together hedonistic orgies masquerading as simple get-togethers every listed holiday.

Zach doesn’t have vacations anymore so much as busy and not-busy periods. He’s in the not-phase, and New York seems as good as any to spend it. It’s not L.A.

Zac’s not in town, but Matt is. Matt knows Zac’s family as well as any of the regulars and gets Zach an invitation without much effort. Zach kind of feels bad about the blatant mooching, but Matt doesn’t seem to mind.

They stop for sushi and sake first at a divey place on Columbus. Half the clientele consists of second-rate businessmen and the other half prep-school kids trying to score some cheap alcohol.

“How’s unemployment working out?” Zach asks as they wait for the appetizers to arrive.

“Excuse me?”

“Bryce Larkin? I saw the finale.”

Matt’s starring in a new series on cable. It’s the kind of part Zach probably would have gone for if he hadn’t been on Heroes.

“How’s the whole Star Trek thing working for you?” Matt asks back.

“It’s working.”

“That exciting, huh?”

“No, no, it’s great,” Zach says quickly.

It is great. Zach’s just a little bit fucked up. He doesn’t tell Matt about Chris.

Matt smiles up through lowered lashes and tells Zach about this off off-Broadway play he just saw. He makes it sound interesting.

*

When they finish, it’s close to one. Matt looks uptown. “Fashionably late?”

Zach’s forgotten about the party. It’s not exactly his his scene anyway. “We could go back to my place,” he says.

“But no ass fucking?”

“It’s not entirely out of my repertoire.”

Matt laughs and doesn’t look surprised. “I have a better idea.”

*

Matt takes them to a gallery opening in Chelsea. It’s one of the smaller places. There’s not too many people around, but the champagne is good.

The pieces are mostly an eclectic mix of soft, watercolor greens against solid oil reds and auburns. The artist is a friend of Matt’s. He gets academic when Zach asks, dissecting brush strokes with reasoned precision. Zach was expecting abstract handwaving. This is better.

Zach looks across the room at Matt who smiles back and nods back.

*

Matt’s somehow scored a 1,000 square foot loft in the Meatpacking District. Zach wouldn’t be surprised if he were paying for the rent in charm.

Matt’s mouth is alcohol bitter and rentboy sweet, and his cock is flushed and hard. Zach can’t get enough of either.

*

The next morning, Matt’s up making coffee before Zach’s even opened his eyes. “You want some breakfast?” he asks when Zach walks over.

Zach likes Matt. He likes Matt more than he ever though he would. He likes Matt exactly because Matt is Matt, because he’s beautiful and funny and nice. He’s almost unreal.

He’s kind of the type of guy Zach usually falls for. He’s kind of the type of guy who usually never falls for Zach.

Zach hasn’t exactly been on his best behavior. He should apologize. He says, “Matt, I’m...I’m not in the best place right now.”

Matt makes his way around the corner. This close, Zach can see he’s already showered. His hair smells like mint.

“Dude, are you seriously always this complicated?” Matt says.

“Maybe?”

Matt laughs. It’s uncomplicated and bright. “Come on, I’ll make you an omelet.”

*

White Collar does really well. Really well.

Matt likes to tell him about it over voicemail: “People thinks I’m a sex icon. I should probably be flattered, but then, it’s People. Should I be flattered?” “Man, it’s actually kind of tough being this popular.” “Some girl just gave me her panties. I think they’re used.”

Zach calls back and says, “I hope you washed them before you tried them on.”

*

Two weeks before the end of shooting, Kring calls him into his office. Everyone’s predicating something big for the finale. No one’s even seen the script yet.

“Sit down, Zach,” Kring says.

Zach sits. He’s pretty sure he knows where this conversation is going.

“First of all, I want you to know how much we really appreciate what you’ve brought to the character of Sylar,” Kring says.

Zach smiles and nods.

*

Matt’s landlady has a great memory. She lets Zach in with a wink.

Zach’s not the type to snoop, but he does pick up a dog-eared copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude and starts reading.

Matt comes home at 10, looking tired and rumpled. Zach’s on page 213. Matt looks surprised but not upset.

“You have dinner yet?” Matt asks.

“Waiting for you.”

Matt orders them Indian and casually drops down next to Zach on the couch. It’s a wide couch. Their thighs barely touch.

“So what are you doing here?” Matt says.

“I don’t know. Just hanging I guess.” Zach pauses. “I kind of got fired.”

Matt nods. “Got any plans?”

“No really.”

“You know that’ll drive you crazy, right?”

Zach doesn’t brother hesitating. “Probably.”

Matt laughs and kisses him.

*

now I can sleep before 3 again!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:28:31 GMT

Oh man, am so close to being done with crappy law school applications I can taste it. I had to resort to a to-do list with lots of CAPS and underlines and !!!!, and I scheduled in tv-watching/fic-reading sessions just so I wouldn't do that before the important stuff, but whatever, ALMOST DONE! I'm still waiting for my profs to get their recommendations in and I have to like clean up the resume/extracurricular stuff, but that's it!

(Ok, well, BU apparently wants to know why I want to be a lawyer, but that essay should be easy enough so I'm not too stressed about it. It helps that I have no desire to go to BU at all.)

*

Also, my Nike Free sneakers* have finally been made and is now actually in the U.S. I am told they mimic the feel of running barefooted which I love even though it kind of kills my shins.

(My iD tags say "Veni. Vici." on them because apparently I am that ~~cliched~~ awesome.)

*

Somehow, I accidentally got caught up in other things and forgot that Alexander Skarsgård is the most adorable person alive. From his cute like Spike Awards speech (especially with the stooping down to reach the microphone) to his hole-y shirts and five outfits, never change Skarsgård! Frumpy cute guys are more endearing than model cute guys.

(No really, for some reason while everyone is like "ASkars in suit!" or "Look at his biceps!", I keep getting stuck on his like arm hairs or the sunburn on his cheeks or like the wrinkles from his eyebrow quirk. Like, somehow, his overall sexiness is not sexy to me but his non-sexiness is.

Luckily, this seems to be a Skarsgard-specific affliction as I totally find Matt Bomer hot for all the right reasons.)

*

Dear Hulu, please stop playing me the long-ass NuvaRing commercial as, aside from being completely dull, I personally disagree with it. Taking a pill at the same time everyday just really isn't that difficult, and I don't see the big deal about using a condom every once in awhile. I mean, this is probably a just me thing, but still, I'd rather hear about how pretty some car is, kthxbye.

*

Mmm, blueberry muffins, mmm.

*When I spent a summer at Cambridge, one of the people running the thing used to make fun of our American-ness and say "sneakers" in this incredibly overdone, sarcastic American accent, and now I always say "sneakers" that way (with an eyeroll) even though it's not really a funny word at all. Thank you England for not only ruining my NAME ("No one names their kids Chelsea in England. It's like naming your child Manchester United.") but sneakers as well.

Voice Post Meme

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 01:43:22 GMT

Haha, I prompted aurora_84 to do the voice post meme in return for mine so here it is. I think I talk faster here than I normally do as I was getting a little close to the time limit, and lalala my voice in general sounds really weird recorded. And there is something funky with my inflection. Just so you're forewarned.

What's your name?
How old are you?
Where are you from? Are you living there right now?
Is it cold where you are?
What's the time?
What are you wearing?
What was the last thing you listened to?
What was the last thing you ate?
What was the last thing you watched on tv?
What's your favorite tv show? Why?
Quick! Find a book, or something with text on it! Flip to a random page and read some of it! GO!
What was the last movie you saw? How was it?
Do YOU think you have an accent? Talk about that.

Also, you know that other meme where you ask people questions that you feel like you would know about them if you knew them in real life or whatnot? Totally go for that, but I can't imagine anyone would have anything to ask as I fail at mystery.

P.S. There is a video game where you get to be a Recon Marine, and it's suppose to be hyper-realistic. Although, do Recon Marines drive tanks ever? Either way, I am very excited even though I've played like three video games ever. My gamer profile name thingy will totally be Iceman! ;)

It'd be easier if they'd only de-emphasize "rest of your life".

wine.godof@gmail.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:19:25 GMT

(Remember when Lee said he was "on the side of the law"? I still love that.)

I.
So my law school Personal Statement might end up being "University of Chicago: A Love Letter" (and not in the sarcastic, Michael Moore way) even though there's such a healthy dose of hate thrown in with any affection I have for that place. I was all ready to write about how I believe in law as an institution because of it's fundamental ideals, but apparently no one cares why you want to go into law. Also, I'm told to stay away from anything intellectual unless it's for an academic university. Ummm. So I think I'm going to talk about my college love affair with the intersection of theory and policy and the idea of globalization, and the response to globalization, as embedded in everyday social relationships. But you know, in a personal and non-intellectual manner. Like, fousing on my interaction with the idea rather than the idea itself. They said write something you're passionate about. It's either that or an analysis of John and Rodney's One Tru Luv, and somehow, I don't think that'll work here. I did social science at University of Chicago, I don't know how to write personal statements!

(Omg, but they also said I should "play against type" so maybe I should write about something completely non-academic like...um, how much I enjoy video games or something. I don't even know. Is talking about a personal experience with the idea and society around an academic subject personal and non-academic enough?)

II.
Um, moving on to happier things!

Eastwick (I know, I'm the only person who enjoys this show) gave me such happy fanlove the other day by having Brian Hallisay (aka Jimmy from "Forever Blue") on as a guest star and including the phrase "Nordic sex-god". Sadly, it was not used in reference to either Alex Skarsgård or Brad Colbert and thus a woeful exaggeration, but at least it's trying.

Poke continues to rock it on Castle (♥), I found out that fake!Eric Kocher is on The Mentalist, and Lee Tergesen (ok, he'll always be Beecher to me, but he's Beecher and Reporter) was on House. Thank you TV for continuing to bring the GK love!

III.
Also, I tried to do the voicepost meme the other day, but when I listened to it back, I realized that a) I complain a lot about how the questions were needlessly ambiguous and b) I possibly say "like" instead of "uh" as a stalling technique when I'm trying to think because I was using it basically every other word. But then, my friends used to tease me by counting my "like"s as I say them.

Also also, I really want to know what my accent is despite that accent test saying it's neutral. I feel like some New Jersey is creeping in there, and that is not down.

On the other hand, the random page that I turned to in Nate Fick's book was all about how competent Colbert is. I was very tempted to post the whole thing just so I can show the cosmic approval of my love for the Iceman. ;)

My love for Stark Sands is thiiiiiiiiiiis big!!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:50:14 GMT

After watching Die Mommie Die! and Hope and Faith (thanks oxoniensis! ♥), I've come to realize that I could watch anything with Stark Sands in it and love it. Although this love does not necessarily extend beyond the Stark scenes. After the first five minutes of Chasing Liberty (where Stark was v. adorable and made lots of nifty faces for me), I braved another half an hour of Mandy Moore, and then fast forwarded to see if Stark would make another appearance. Alas, he did not :'( so I stopped watching.

Next up is possibly Pretty Persuasion. The summary of the plot kind of makes me want to go to sleep already, but I am assured that Stark will be very pretty in it. I am assured of this.

Also, because this is the ~~day~~year of Stark love, have some icons!

(Source images from all over the internet, but I think they can all be found at stark_sands now. Credit and edit at will! I am easy. :))

Finally, now that the story is done (YAY!), I can finally read Nate Fick's book without worrying about it influencing my characterization too much. If I focus very hard on thinking of him as Real Nate or even better, as a general Marine officer, I can get into it much more than if I think of him as GK!Nate. I think without that cognitive distance, my fannish love for GK and my love for the people of GK as people gets too confused and it makes me uncomfortable. But yes, so far, good read. Yay Nate!

In line with this, has everyone seen the videos posted by Greigo of ACTUAL FOOTAGE of first recon in Iraq (with guest appearances by Evan Wright, Walt, Trombley, Encino Man, Godfather, and other people I'm forgetting)? He makes some...interesting comments that I don't necessarily agree with (he also seems to dislike Mike Wynn for some reason, idk why), but it's interesting to have another perspective. And it's kind of surreal to see them actually there. Blew my mind a little.

fic | How to Survive Accurate Mortar Fire... [Brad/Nate]

wine.godof@gmail.com — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:19:47 GMT

Um. Um. Uh, yeah, I can't believe this is done.

As out_there (♥) can probably attest to, this has dragged on for foreeeeever. I feel like in one go, I've got out just about everything I can say on the Brad and Nate of canon, and from now on, I'll only ever write drunken fratboy au's. ;)

So, without further ado:

How to Survive Accurate Mortar Fire
(And Other Inconveniences of War)
betaed by out_there
brad/nate, nc-17, 21,800 words

The story starts here. Navigation is on the side.

at least I didn't say "a big dick"

wine.godof@gmail.com — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:23:19 GMT

Flist, I am kind of bored and procrastinating on law school essay writing so:

GIVE ME YOUR TOP 5 NO-FAIL TURN-ONS!

I'll start (in no particular order):

dark hair with light eyes - or green eyes in general
non-bitter, well-placed sarcasm
atheism/agnosticism
the ability to form opinions that are well thought out with logical justifications while recognizing that they are opinions, not facts - bonus points for phrasing said opinions in an intelligent manner
social independence - by which I mean you could spend a lot of time by yourself and be fine/happy, not necessarily that you hate people

So, apparently, I am missing "loyalty", "happiness" and "emotional fucktardness", but I realized that they don't necessarily make my heart flutter like any of the above. Like, for example, Nate Fick: when I first started watching the show, I liked Nate well enough (and thought Stark Sands was v. v. pretty), but I wasn't attracted to Nate per se. And then I read the part in Evan Wright's book where he says Nate would describe himself as agnostic, and suddenly I went, "Wait, what?" and paid a lot closer attention. I mean, in the end, I really admire Nate for being competent and for being, I think, an honestly decent person, but the first spark was the agnosticism.

Also, if this was the Top 6 No-Fail Turn-On list, the next item would be: London-British (but not cockney)/New Zealand/South African(/maybe Australian) accents.

Lastly, I am way, way more superficial regarding physical appearance than this makes me look. I'm just not no-fail about it. I once was completely attracted to a guy that I found physically repulsive (no really, not an exaggeration) because of his coloring/sarcasm/intellect. Also, I think James Marsden (I know, I know) is really pretty, but ultimately, he does nothing for me.

Ok, so now your turn! Hit me up, baby!

It'll be better when I'm older.

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:52:31 GMT

Guys, I’ve finally discovered the joys of treadmill jogging. So I used to have this paranoid fear of working out in any kind of public place where I can get silently judged after I start huffing after the first minute, but recently, I found out that I can totally jog out a good forty minutes which is a decent showing. (Ok, not twelve miles with a hundred pounds on my back, but we can’t all be recon Marines.)

Also, the first time I went, this guy came in after me and left before I did so I had the great satisfaction of calling him a "pussy civilian POG" in my head. But you know, not maliciously.

(I am still of the opinion that it’s easier to just not eat say the 600 calorie muffin that I had for breakfast than to try a burn a tiny fraction of it off through exercise, but I guess there’s some nonsense about improving your general health or whatever. :/)

Yeah, so I am officially three (3!) writeable scenes and a few revisions away from a first draft. Win! (out_there, if you don’t mind, I’ll send you a copy tomorrow or the day after.)

So when I started this thing, I kind of thought, "Hmm, might get longish. It might be 8000 words, or wow, even break 10k. Unfathomable!" My highest estimates were about 12,000 words.

Right now, it’s sitting at the 20k mark, and I’m thinking there’s maybe 1k to go before I’m through.

I don’t even know what happened. I feel like I’ve been kidnapped by my story for a month, and now we’ve finally negotiated a ransom. Yay freedom!

But yeah, one step closer to qualifying for Big Bang writing I guess. Now if only writing any kind of plot wasn’t like pulling teeth for me…

Finally, I would just like to say that any acting enterprise that requires Alex Skarsgård to don a Brad-like haircut is win! in my book no matter how much I don’t care for the other actors. Or, um, the plot.

TV: Don't you go leaving me again, ho!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:37:46 GMT

Supernatural:
I know everyone is all Dean/Castiel now and apparently Misha Collins is King of the Internets, but I'm one of those OTPers who can never let go of their first love. Thus, I say, SAM AND DEAN ALL THE WAY BITCHES! ;) No, seriously though, please stop being broken up and go back to happy fun ~~sexy~~ times soon. (Although I thought Slash Girl Becky was a bit over the top. Props to the nod, but we are not like this IRL!)

And dude, how amazing is Sam that he managed to pick up the one amulet THAT CAN FIND GOD? Probably not as amazing as Dean's ribcage, but still, pretty cool right?

Also, why was War so not badass? You're a bloody Horseman of the Apocalypse, you shouldn't need a freaking ring to work your mojo!

Still, I'm really, really excited for this season! It's the first one that I can finally watch live now that I'm caught up, so I feel like a proper fan girl now. :)

Glee:
Glee, why were your first two episodes so beyond awesome and yet your third one kind of crummy? I mean, I don't think any of the plot so far is amazing, but at least the first two kept me engaged. The third one was kind of...blah. None of the characters really shined like they did before, and it felt kind of slow and forced.

Also, I'm wondering if my interest in Glee directly correlates with how much I enjoy the music. The only song I really enjoyed in "Acafellas" was Mercedes' window-busting one, but that was associated with a subplot so beyond ridiculous that I couldn't even properly appreciate it. (If you're going to make Kurt so flamboyant, either take it as given that he's gay and move on or make him straight because they whole "coming out" scene felt really forced and obvious to me instead of being say, touching.)

And Dear Will, please finish deciding whether Glee is OMG THE MEANING OF YOUR LIFE or just something to be enjoyed but there's more important things to worry about so we can move on from your Inner Struggle that keeps showing up ever episode.

But yes, I remain cautiously optimistic that this show can still be great. If only because I like to sing along.

Merlin:
Guys, we have lived in a world too long without Bradley James' adorable mocking/irritated facial expressions. No more!

For some reason, the Merlin/Arthur interaction felt more like the beginning of Season 1 rather than "I will drink poison to die in your stead" of later on. But it was still cute though!

Hmm, it feels kind of anti-climatic that we had this whole big dramatic scene where Merlin and The Great Slash Dragon break-up, but now they're back together already. I wanted more tension! Oh well, at least we will still get our "your fates are entwined" speeches.

But yes, oh Merlin, you're still entertaining and pretty and squee inducing! So much warm feelings for this show! *hugs*

Also, Colbert (which I now keep accidentally pronouncing with the T - thanks, GK) and The Daily Show are back! My life just isn't completely without snarky news mockery.

Dear America: Stop failing me, kthxbye.

wine.godof@gmail.com — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:52:59 GMT

OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE GENERATION KILL DIDN'T WIN FOR BEST MINI-SERIES! THERE WAS ONLY TWO NOMINATED!!

Also, these are also the people who fucking made someone from Two and a Half Men their best Supporting Actor so I am going to take this as a reflection of their collective TERRIBLE judgment. Still wish GK got more recognition for how great it is though. :/

Why condoms are a good thing:

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 03:52:31 GMT

So apparently Alex Skarsgård is dating Evan Rachael Wood. Haha, now, every time I see his face, I just keeping thinking about how he has second-hand Marilyn Manson sex germs. (I mean, I'm sure she's a fine person and all, but all I know of her from a quick wikipedia read is that she dated Marilyn Manson for awhile. Who maybe is a nice, sensitive guy underneath it all, but still, Marilyn Manson.) For some reason, this is hilarious rather than sad-face :( making for me. Possibly because the vast majority of my attraction to Alex is Alex-as-Brad so my taste in men remain un-insulted.
ETA: I don't normally hang out at ONTD but some of the comment gifs for this post has made me lol so hard, my boyfriend now thinks I am crazy.

Also, I finally listened to the audio commentary for GK despite having the blu-rays for a bit now, and ok, I just learned that Stark Sands called Real Nate Fick whilst filming to discuss the reality of all the ~~eye-fucking~~ "conversations with their eyes" between Nate and Brad. Maybe it's because I wasn't there in the beginning, but how come this is not one of those fandom facts that is mentioned at least once a week? I feel deprived! I know I saw multiple references to Ray-Ray talking about Alex's giant penis.

But anyway, let's break down the awesomeness of this commentary fact. Firstly, Stark Sands called Nate Fick. Multiple times. While filming! Because he didn't seem to be in any of the publicity around GK: the mini-series, I kind of assumed that Nate Fick was not very involved at all. But no! Instead, there was cross-content consultations and verifications of Very Important Facts, and ok, it's probably just me but I find the idea of Stark Sands talking to Real Nate to be one of the hottest ideas ever, right up there with Alex Skarsgård going to Real Brad's birthday party. Like, hot in a mmm, two people in love holding hands kind of way. Which is not to RPS them in any permutation, but it just makes me really happy to think of the actors and the marines hanging out or getting to know each other. I just want to group-hug them!

Secondly, \o/ to CANON EYE CONVERSATIONS! Brad and Nate sex is very hot, but Brad and Nate being friends and relying on each other and understanding each other is the best thing I can imagine. GK I think is probably one of the only fandoms that I can think of where the friendship comes before the romance for me. Like, I don't even need them to be more slashy because I'm too busy watching them admire the hell out of each other as people and as warriors. &hearts (Also, I never thought I'd throw the word "warrior" about so non-sarcastically in a World of Warcraft free setting.)

In conclusion: GK commentary is win! (Except for Alex Skargård and James Ransome's episode because they kept talking about how the scenes were fail because they weren't in them That's time I could be hearing Evan Wright tell me something really happened instead! Oh, and I fell asleep during the last one, but I was really tired so not necessarily a judgement on quality.)

lalala (means I love you)

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:45:52 GMT

01. New layout is new! I have discovered theme layers, win! It's absurd how much customization you can actually do, and now I just want to print really random obscure things just because I can.

02. For some reason, I have an orchid that survived three replottings, two road trips, getting left outside for a week, being watered about twice a year, getting very minimal sunlight and being knocked off a windstill by my cat and is now growing new leaves. My other new orchid, um, died. In like five days. I think the longevity of the first orchid is making me forget I am a plantkiller: not even cacti survive.

03. Lala True Blood:

-I am very picky about my actor's acting, and if you're suppose to be ridiculous in a scene but are pointedly acting ridiculous, it really peeves me out and I start getting bored. This kind of happens to me a lot on True Blood (luckily mostly with secondary characters...and Sookie). Jensen Ackles is amazing at good ridiculous. Other people, not so much.

-I confess: when the Queen first showed up, I was kind of iffy about her acting as well, but after the "You guys should just fuck" scene, there was much shouting of the "I love her! ♥♥" variety. (To which the boyfriend replied, "Wow, you're just like her.") If I were a screenwriter sort, all my female characters would be a combination of her and Pam (Pam!) and maybe Shane from the L Word.

-Dear HBO, we've now seen two gratuitous Sookie/Eric sex-scenes (applauded! Alex is smoldering). So where is the Lafayette/Eric love???

-Obviously Eric + teacup humans = OTP, but only if it continues to be a combination of likes them and likes to eat them. Clearly, this justifies every GK kidfic in existence.

-The boyfriend's reaction to Eric scenes is now basically a permanent eye-roll because my commentary is usually along the lines of "OMG BRAD IS IN A SUIT!", "OMG BRAD IS TALKING TO KIDS!", "OMG BRAD CAN FLY!" He's like my very own Pam(♥) a la Eric/Sookie.

-(I fully acknowledge Alex's comparable awesomeness in his own right, but every time he's acting in a role, my mind goes to Brad Colbert. I am sick and need help.)

-So this bothered me a lot: I think rape is basically one of the worst thing that can happen to a human being so when Sookie compared the desecration of her grandmother's house to what I happened to her, I really just wanted to slap her. I mean, I know her Nan just died and it's very sad and all, but no. I mean, I personally feel like grief is ultimately about something that happens outside of you whereas rape is just too intimate. Or something.

-In conclusion: FLYING!

04. I keep forgetting that I live in Boston now and that, oh yes, Nate lived here too. (And Brad possibly visited!) It makes me want to write fic with random scenes of Nate milling about Boston and like acknowledging (not complaining about mind you) the really bad traffic (omgterrible) as some kind of cover for his emo angst.

05. My blender is broken which is WOE! because ever since I found out that Jamba Juice's mango-a-go-go is totally doable at home, I live for my daily smoothie concoction. (I used to dream about being within walking distance to a Jamba Juice, but sadly Boston seems to only have one and that's in some random campus.) :

(original recipe)

-5 ice cubes (crushed before adding other ingredients)
-1.5 cups of mango-orange juice (originally mango-passion fruit juice but I couldn't find any for the life of me despite trying 3 different grocery stores)
-a good handful of frozen mangos
-a slightly smaller but still decent handful of frozen pineapples (used as compensation for..)
-sherbet (...pineapple sherbert was also unfindable for me, but I think any fruit sherbet will do)

Blend and enjoy!

vid | Someday - Sugar Ray [brad]

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 01:55:06 GMT

So I have possibly, unavoidably become slightly obsessed with Brad Colbert and his chill angst. Because for such a chill guy, he seems to have a lot of manly angst going on there.

Anyways, watching Generation Kill again, I kept thinking what we need is some mellow (but nostalgically sad-ish!) music going on here. And no one does mellow-with-a-hint-of-nostalgia quite like Sugar Ray. And, they have a song titled "Burning Dog". Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Also, this vid can best be summarized as: Brad + war = love/hate otp.

Someday - Sugar Ray
r, brad
22 august 2009

Download: Sendspace [46mb]

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
Just close your eyes and I'll take you there
This place is warm without a care
We'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Some say
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say
You were always there for me
Some way
When the sun begins to shine I hear a song from another time and fade away
And fade away
Just close your eyes and I'll take you there
This place is warm without a care
We'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Someone said you tried too long
Someone said we got it all wrong
Someone said we tried too long
Is there a place where I belong
So far so long
So far away
So far so wrong
So far away
Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
And fade away...

(Hmm, unfortunately the aspect ratio is off and vimeo and I are not friends enough that I know how to unfuck this. :'()

Someday Brian Kinney's loft will be mine.

wine.godof@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:11:36 GMT

Until then, I shall make do with Mezzo which is actually about a thousand times prettier than I had anticipated I would end up living in at this point.

Living area:

Apartment living is so bad for study-ish spaces without cramping the room. Alas, I am the type of student that is willing to sacrifice desk space for minimal clutter.

Kitchen:

So, apparently we cook now. (By which I mean, I make sounds about helping whilst the boyfriend does what he does in the kitchen.) This is seriously the longest I've gone without takeout since I stopped living with my parents.

Bedroom:

Mezzo is pretty cool for letting you choose two accent walls that you can paint whatever colour. I have this who theory about how you should make the living room feel more open with a light, cool colour and the bedroom feel cozy with a warmer colour, but I am possibly full of bs and just really like these colours.

Also, these are my two favourite things about the apt:

The boyfriend's guitar has it's own special section of wall, and I admit to being kind of in love with how it looks against the blue.

Ok, this is possibly the best thing ever because it houses my cat's litter box. Yes non-obnoxious litter box solution! Seriously, litter boxes are like my arch-nemesis. Whoever came up with this is obviously a genuis.

In other news, my seemingly super-simple new layout took forever to make. Damn you CSS and your non-intuitive spacing issues! It apparently doesn't help that I've forgotten how to make one from scratch and had to look up every single tag. At least now I can see my flist on my iPhone without the screen being too dark. Win!

Sweden is possibly my new favouritest country!

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 08:36:01 GMT

01. Boston move complete! Shall make mandatory apartment post as I'm crazy in love with this place.

02. So I'm in the middle of catching up with the couple of True Blood episodes I missed, and I had this great moment where Alex was being cool and badass and I just melted and sighed out, "Oh, Brad ♥!" It was actually a sigh, no other way to describe it.

I'm probably the only Alex Skarsgård fangirl in existence who saw him as Eric and was like, "Yeah I guess he seems pretty hot, man I hope Sookie stops talking soon," (I used to like Anna Panquin as an actress but, no offense but her Sookie can go die in a fire for all I care because she is so annnnnoying) but then I watched Generation Kill (without knowing he was in it) and was suddenly "OMG ALEXANDER SKARSGÅRD WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE???"

03. Which is to say, there is a reason one passes up Eric for Sgt. Brad Colbert because he's Brad Colbert. His nickname is The Iceman! He exists in real life! He climbed a mountain with a broken foot and can hold his breath for at least four minutes (AT LEAST!) and can run many miles whilst carrying heavy things and possibly see in the dark because he is that badass! No really!

I saw an interview/roundtable type thing that Evan Wright did with the real marines in Generation Kill, and I will totally admit to having a huge fangirl crush on real-life!Brad as well Alex!Brad, albeit in different ways. Alex!Brad is having sex with Nate. Real-life!Brad exists in a vacuum where he is occasionally visited by Ray Ray and Poke and possibly Rudy.

For some reason, real-life!Nate holds no interest for me, and I actively try to avoid contact with like his publicity materials even though he is so much more accessible as a public figure. His book is ultra cheap on Amazon and yet, I can't bring myself to buy it because I really don't want to know more about him so I don't mess up my good impressions? I don't know, I think it's because I really like him in the context of Generation Kill, and I adore Stark Sands (dude, how so pretty?) and his portrayal of Nate, and within this narrow bubble, I heart him greatly but outside, he's not someone I would naturally gravitate towards.

Brad, on the other hand, is obviously one of the coolest people in existence. I recently finally got to try out jet-skiing, and there were moments when the acceleration was just right that I felt a bit like I was channeling Brad Colbert and then of course I went faster. Although, my fannish crush has been mostly limited to: 1 book, 2 interviews - 1 video, 1 magazine, a few not-HQ pictures of him learning water safety (?) and hanging out with the instructor (?? idk, it was linked on the site with the magazine article), and a handful of daydreams that mostly involved going at high speeds (Boston has bad traffic jams, I get *very* bored).

So hopefully still within the realm of not-skeevy. Will call before making any flights out to California.

04. In conclusion: Alex Skarsgård: WIN! Sweden for giving us Alex Skarsgård: WIN! Brad Colbert for being so damn cool: WIN! Boston (minus traffic jams and high apartment costs): ALSO WIN!

(Sookie though still LOSE! so much.)

Day Fucking Four

wine.godof@gmail.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:28:31 GMT

I am posting on an iPhone to say this but:

FIX THIS.

I feel like I can't properly mourn this until I reach the end and am to understand that this is definitely not unfuckable. And then I will mourn and never watch Torchwood again.

Also, there are so many posts I want to comment on but alas, I am apartment hunting in Boston and iPhone typing is a paaaain.

Day One

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:19:20 GMT

OMG TORCHWOOD OMG !!!!!

Firstly, did they increase the Torchwood budget or something? Because I had the impression that this was somehow like a hundred times more put together and well organized and polished than I remember Torchwood being. But perhaps it's just been a long time since I watched Torchwood, and I'm still channeling Merlin's super fake rubber snake head prop.

Also, somehow the promos of the children chanting seemed very normal sci-fi/horror-ish and not at all disconcerting, but while I was watching, when they did the second freezing and then the screaming started, I found it very creepy in a way that I normally don't with these sort of scenes. Like in a tingly, uncomfortable inside, want to hide in a small closet sort of way. And when the chanting started, especially the last bit with the distorted deep "back", eeeeeeeeerie.

Lastly, where are all the thinky thoughts about Ianto and Jack being a "couple" and Ianto's discomfort/confusion/nervousness and Jack's annoyance? Or, where are the thinky thoughts on what Ianto and Jack's respective reactions to the State of Things really are? Also, I'm dying for someone to talk about Jack's daughter and Ianto's sister and omg the whole conversation with Ianto's sister and just everything. Someone. But not me because I am still on the OMG TORCHWOOD stage.

Livejournal, why you gotta be this way?

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 05:46:48 GMT

Dude, someone on my flist did a Generation Kill Nate/Brad picspam, and now I cannot for the life of me find it. :'( x 100000. I mean, at the time, I was very much like Gen what? Nate who? Mmm ~~Eric~~Brad...But now! Now I'm three episodes in and dreaming in military code and wondering very much where this is headed. Someday the internet will obey my thought dictations and dig up prettiness on command.

John + Rodney 4Eva

wine.godof@gmail.com — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:51:23 GMT

In the midst of trying to pawn off various bits of furniture we've accumulated over five odd years of living in Chicago so I'm mostly out of it, but the best thing just happened to me:

I was surfing Television Without Pity's annual award voting and one of the categories is Best Almost-Romantic-But-Not-Quite Relationship, and there was Castle and Beckett (Castle) and Chuck and Sara (Chuck), and I was just thinking this one's going to be hard to decide when I saw John and Rodney (Stargate: Atlantis). Oh my heart! I think I just melted right there. &hearts It's so nice that they can still pop back into my fannish consciousness like this.

I take this as a sign that TWoP still wins the internet even though some of their recapping has started to seriously suck.

Soon, I'll have my own pair of whales...

wine.godof@gmail.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:55:08 GMT

1. I am ostensibly moving to Boston in about a month or two. Goodbye Chicago! I think neither you have been good to be me nor I to you, but I'm still going to miss being able to look out the window and see the lake. Obviously, Chel/large bodies of water = OTP.

Also, shelling out $2000 a month for a small, one bedroom apartment seems a bit ridiculous to me. On the other hand, the neighbourhood that I'm hoping to end up in is suppose to be pretty chill.

2. I think standardized testing remains one of the few acceptable, legal forms of torture. I was tired (ok, this one is my fault), starving, freezing cold and under great mental distress during my LSATs. If the roof had leaked, it would be just like waterboarding.

3. Star Trek has finally given the world a good reason for the knowledge of rarer words. Obviously, they are for utterly charming your co-stars and engaging in word porn during interviews. I'm just saying.

fic | The worst of the truths are behind us. [chris pine/zq]

wine.godof@gmail.com — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:36:47 GMT

So, aurora_84 was asking for "Pinto" recs the other day, and I was all superior and like "haha pinto". And then, because I have the LSATs the next day (which only determines the rest of my life, whatever), I was halfway toying with writing commentfic that was all about how Chris Pine is very pretty and mostly a nice guy but also kind of a douche (but still pretty!). And ZQ of course is a cool frood who really knows where his towel is.

Then, it was 3:30 AM and my fic got too big to fit in a comment.

Also, it is unbetaed because it was suppose to be quick, commentfic ok?

The worst of the truths are behind us.
by godofwine
chris pine/zq, r
7 June 2009

*

The thing is, Chris knows, logically, emotionally even, that fucking Zach is just about the worst idea in the world.

Of course, he does it anyway.

*

The first time, the first time was - excusable. Understandable. He hadn't known Zach then, just some cool guy he met at a cool party in the cool part of town. It wasn't exactly a good idea at that time either, but it didn't seem to matter when he and Zach were scrambling for each other clothes in Zach's modern, L.A. hallway, hopped up on the fever of political imagination and cheap beer.

It was good; Zach's mouth knew its way around a dick, and he let Chris fuck him without much preparation first. It wasn't Chris's first time with a guy even though he actually preferred girls. It wasn't something he thought much about.

In the morning, Zach was in the shower when Chris woke up. He spent a good ten minutes thinking up the most unawkward, smooth morning-after greeting possible, but what came out was:

"Hey...you," and "So, Matt got you on cable crunches yet?"

Which ok, Chris was never going to be the cool, casual hook-up guy even though he had absolutely no problem not being emotionally connected to who his dick went into. His last girlfriend (lasted three months even though it started out as a ten minutes make-out session in a coat check) once told him it was because he's too nice and polite about it: "It just feels too much like kicking a puppy leaving you there all smiley and vulnerable."

This, Chris thought, could be disaster.

Except, Zach (Chris learns later) was also never going to be the guy who found politeness endearing or who ever believed in the inevitability of prolonging an awkward situation, so he said: "I think I'm doing legs this week," and, "I have to head out. Work."

"Right, right," Chris said and managed a "See you at the gym" on his way out the door.

Best kind of sex, Chris thought, no consequences.

*

Three weeks later of course, Chris runs head first into the first law of L.A. life: everyone knows everyone else.

He's auditioning for Captain motherfucking Kirk, and ok, not doing too great, but not completely bombing or anything either, when the casting director says, "Ok, we'll just do a quick run through with Zachary Quinto - he's playing Spock - tomorrow, and then we'll let you know."

It's just, Chris isn't exactly above calling up an old flame and saying, "Hey, I had a good time that one night. Want to do it again? Oh, and by the way, can you put in a good word in with your director because this might launch my fucking career?" except he had a feeling that was only going to make Zach like him less, probably send him running to J.J. Abrams with an entire essay about how not Kirk Chris actually was.

The next day, Zach was already at the audition room when Chris got there, and J. J. was there too, all cool and relaxed just like Zach. Chris could just imagine how not-cool and relaxed he was going to be, and he could feel his muscles tensing just from thinking about all the uncomfortable silences he and Zach would have to try to avoid.

Except, when he walked in, Zach was all, "Hey man," like at no point in their acquaintance were penises involved. Which was a game Chris could totally play (take that, Kirk!), so he said, "What's up?" back and got out his script.

*

And it worked. It worked great. These were lines that were already written, not obscure, half-forgotten etiquette that Zach was content with ignoring and Chris had to dance around. That easy chemistry that got them to Zach's bedroom in the first place flowed, casual and sparkling, across the charisma of Kirk's passion and the regality of Spock's logic.

Halfway through, J.J. was already smiling and nodding, and it was like the easiest, most important test Chris ever passed.

Afterwards, Zach stopped him on his way to his car and said, "Hey, you were pretty good in there," not like he was surprised, just friendly.

"It was a joint effort," Chris said back sincerely, and, because he was feeling grateful and daring, "I'm actually about to head out to dinner. Want to come with?"

"Sure," Zach said without hesitation.

*

That night could have been the second time. It probably should have been even.

At dinner, they talked about what they remembered about old Star Trek. Zach told a few stories about the set of Heroes, and Chris explained how he gargled mouth wash for literally ten minutes after he had to kiss Lindsey Lohan and still felt like calling his doctor for a full check up. They talked about Obama's chances for winning and whether George Bush or Dick Cheney was the bigger asshole. They compared Matt the Personal Trainer impersonations and then segued neatly, naturally, inexplicably into a discussion on their favorite adjectives.

After the check, Chris walked Zach to his car like a proper gentleman. They were quiet after the long drool of dinner, though Chris could feel the expectation building.

At the door, Zach hesitated. "So, you want to come back to my place?" he said, looking down at his hands.

I could do it, Chris thought. It was against his usual M.O. to go with the same non-female twice, but it wouldn't be a big deal to make an exception. It probably wouldn't mean anything anyway.

He thought about the sliding bubble of the present between the anchors of history and future on the timeline between them. He thought about how it was the first time he had seen Zach looking unsure, fumbling with keys and looking humanly touchable in the half-obscured parking lot lamplight.

"I'd love to,” he said, "but I actually have an early day tomorrow."

"Good night," he said.

*

So that hadn't been the second time.

No, the second time was in Zach's trailer, already three weeks into shooting, Chris bent over the back of a desk while Zach thrusted, gentle and hard and obtrusive and unshakable, behind him.

Throughout most of it, Chris thought about the way the desk's edge was digging into his cheekbone and how it would probably leave a red mark that would make the makeup people unhappy. He still came before Zach was done.

The second time was the actual Bad Idea, the inexcusable, ununderstandable one. It was the one mostly made by newbies on the sets of teenage romances where the long days together and the emotions of the characters bubbled up into the actors themselves.

Chris knew it was a bad idea.

It didn't make sense that it would happen now anyway when he had had no problem resisting Zach so far. Hadn't even needed to try to resist when most of what he felt for Zach could be summed up as friendship and enjoyment of each other's company. He used most of his flirting skills on Zoë, even though she took to it about as well as her character did to Kirk, half winking smirks, half perfect unattainability.

It wasn't even a memorable day of shooting. They had some uninspired dialogue about why something was not right in the state of Vulcan. They finished it in four takes.

Looking back, Chris thinks, probably unfairly, that it must have been because of Leonard even though he hadn't remembered Leonard actually being on set that week. He did remember the way Zach's voice sped up in excitement just over the syllables of Leonard's name: "Oh yeah, LeonardandI were talking about how unabatably intertwined the destiny of the character is with your perception of the world, isn't he so cool."

It's just Chris already had a headache from shooting, and the way Zach kept going on about it, all eager and respectful and awed made Chris want to break something in the worst way.

He wasn't even jealous of the whole Zach/Nimoy Spock bond. The big shining proof that J.J. was bridging the gap between the old and the new with affection and acceptance.

He understood that it made the note from Shatner, still taped on his refrigerator door, feel vaguely pathetic in comparison. On the other hand, if Shatner was here, he'd probably forget Chris's name.

So it wasn't Leonard exactly, rather the idea of him, the idea of him to Zach. Chris knew he was probably being petty, but he wanted Zach to stop, to go back to the Zach who laughed at his jokes all time and shared silly handshakes and listened to Chris with so much affection.

But that's not something he can say.

He was being a spoiled, whiny brat, he knew, but he was in the middle of changing his life, and it's probably the worst idea that he's ever had, but like a lot of things in life, it was simple; it produced results.

So he pulled Zach into the closer of their trailers, Zach's, found the secret drawer that the PAs kept stocked with condoms and lube, and let go.

Afterwards, Zach eased out slowly and quietly. When Chris turned around, Zach was already dressed.

"Hey, you've got a - " Zach said, reaching out, and Chris knew he didn't stop the flinch back in time. Zach saw and dropped his hand.

And that was the second time.

*

The second time doesn't lead to a third time, which obviously has no chance to lead to a fourth time.

The second time does lead to two weeks of the most intense uncomfortableness Chris has ever felt.

He wakes up, half-convinced the studio has sent in execs again with another lecture on his dick and how not to use it. He's pretty sure he deserves it too.

He worries it's starting to affect the cast dynamic, even though he and Zach are perfectly friendly in public. They're not even unfriendly in private, just slightly more careful around each other. Like:

Zach's arm brushes his, and Zach apologizes. Chris mispronounces anachronism, and Zach doesn't laugh.

It makes Chris feel nauseous.

Beginning of the third week, Zach cracks a joke in character, and Chris spends a good five minutes laughing and messing up takes and probably getting on everyone's nerves since it's the last scene before lunch.

It's ok though because when they do break, everyone scrambles off to the craft tables and it's just him and Zach and the lights of the Enterprise.

I can fix this, Chris thinks, have to. "Listen, I just wanted to say -," he starts, and Zach looks at him, looks at him directly in the eye like Zach hasn't done in too long. It's the razor sharp intensity of a precipice's edge, the breath between "ok" and "so long".

It scares him.

And then, Zach says, "Hey Captain, you think you could try to control that camera hogging affinity for five minutes so we can get this scene done today?"

Chris smirks and says, "I'm sorry, are you sure you don't need to cry to your mommy about it first? I know how you can get very emotional."

"Hey," Zach says back, "my mom's Winona Ryder. She can fuck you up."

Chris laughs. He soaks up Zach's voice like sunshine.

*

Between the end of shooting and the start of the first round of promotion, Chris has a few weeks of calm.

He spends most of it doing dumb shit like playing video games and sleeping till two in the afternoon and eating junk food that he doesn't actually enjoy. He's storing up for the storm to come, he rationalizes.

Two weeks before the world premiere, Chris bumps into Zach at the check-in at LAX. He's forgotten what it's like to have Zach in front of him, all lazy energy and cool vowels.

Of course, he's missed it.

But then the storm comes, and they're trotted off from interview to interview, answering the same questions and smiling wide smiles, the makeup building up between takes like silt on their skin.

It's probably the safest, easiest time to give it another go. They're stuck together most of the day already, sides pressed warm from trying to fit into the shot. Chris listens to eloquence roll off of Zach's tongue, casual and beautiful, and even though it's mostly repetitive, he's still impressed each time.

Probably, no one would notice. They're good friends, and it shows, even in the night which they live with the thrill of young starlets. He's never felt closer to Zach.

It gets close one night. In Auckland, he thinks, or maybe Kuwait. It's funny how he can't remember the difference.

They were in the hallway of a lush hotel, half drunk but only half. There had been a karaoke session, and John Cho had killed like usual. Zach was telling him about a musical he did in high school, and Chris was enjoying the fuzziness of the room and the timbre of Zach's voice.

It was easy to reach up with his mouth - he was close already, he had stumbled and Zach had caught him - reach up to Zach and taste the corner of a mouth, caught between the softness of Zach's lips and the prickle of his stubble.

He looks up at Zach and smiles, ready. It could have been easy.

Zach looks back at him, sad and confused and maybe unhappy. He shakes his head no.

In the morning, when Chris is completely sober again and in his own bed, he is grateful. Of course it's better this way, he thinks.

*

After the movie's been out for awhile, Zach goes on a solo press tour in Mexico and Chris gets to stay home and read up for his next play.

He rounds up the last of the cast that's still in L.A. and throws a party at J.J.'s place the first weekend Zach's back. It's L.A. so it gets pulled together with glamorous effectiveness for which he is grateful.

When Zach walks in, looking genuinely surprised at the commotion around him, Chris let's himself pull Zach close. "Belated birthday surprise," he says against Zach's ear.

"Thank you," Zach whispers back.

The hug is probably going on too long to be brotherly, but Chris can't bring himself to care. It's the first time he's felt safe and comfortable in weeks. He wonders if he's gotten so used to having Zach in his space that his skin will always itch from the distance.

Around 10:30, Audriana saunters in through the back gate. Chris's heart stops for a second. It's not surprising that's she heard about this, but the whole point of putting the relationship on hold was so they wouldn't be together anymore.

But it's not exactly her fault he pulled away, and he doesn't have to be rude. He walks over, leans down. He aims for her cheek, but she turns just so and he tastes the sticky sweetness of her lip-gloss.

She doesn't know that many people here, so he stays close. He doesn't want her to feel isolated even though she's Audriana and she's probably never had a self-conscious moment in her life.

Her shoulder's always been the right height and slenderness for him to slip a casual arm around. It's one of the things he's always liked about her.

Sometime after midnight, she starts to complain about being tired and needing to head home. He's spent too long at her side. He was supposed to be saying "welcome back" to Zach, but he hasn't seen Zach for an hour at least.

Still, she's had a lot to drink, much more than him, and he owes her. He's the one who turned away.

He says, "Let me just say my goodbyes, and I'll drive you home," and she says, "Oh, won't you?"

*

He finds Zach in J.J.'s study, thumbing through a book of black and white photography and sipping from a ornate tumbler. Scotch, from the looks of it.

"Hey, listen man, I gotta take Audriana back, she's not feeling well," Chris says. "But I just wanted to say -"

- "Whatever," Zach says, without looking up. -

"But I just wanted to say it's good to see you again, and we definitely need to get together soon."

"Whatever," Zach says again.

And, Chris knows Zach's not one to waste time with bullshit, but he can see the tension in Zach's jaw, the way he clenches out the words, and Chris knows, of course he knows, that it's not that straightforward.

He walks back out to the front of the house where Audriana is waiting.

Fucking Zach has always been a mistake, he knows.

Zach is his best friend, he knows.

"Let me call you a cab," he tells her.

He finds Zach again, in the coatroom this time. "Ok, you want to tell me what that was about?" he says.

"What?" Zach says, laughingly bitter.

"I thought we were having a good night..."

"Is there something wrong with you?" Zach says, straight at him this time. "Are you really this fucking dense?"

It's not really that much louder than Zach's normal voice, it wouldn't even count as yelling except for the jagged spikes of anger and disgust, more intense than Zach's ever delivered any line.

It shocks him.

It's just, for all that Zach went on about the duality inside him, the push and pull of the emotional and the analytical, the most intense feeling Zach usually displayed was indifference, sometimes served up with a side of self-assertiveness.

Zach praised Chris in the same tone he used to thank the fans which was often in the same breath he said, "but I mean it doesn't really matter, you know?" Chris has never known where exactly he stood with Zach, Zach who’s a mystery and a magnet, sometime lover and now, longtime friend.

"What do you want from me?" he asks, finally.

"For god's sake Chris, what do you want?" Zach says. He's calmer now, but it's the calm of the ocean, deceptively flat except for all the waves that Chris is learning to see. "When was the last time you even half-expressed what you really want?" he adds.

"You make it sound so simple," Chris says pleadingly.

Zach takes a breath. "It doesn't have to be hard," he says.

*

This is how their third time goes down:

Chris is on his back, in an actual bed for a change. He's had half a glass of champagne all night, just enough to bring into relief the crystal clarity of Zach and Zach's room and Zach's sheets around them.

Zach is above him, Zach is in him. Zach is quiet, and Zach is saying, "I've missed this, have you missed this?"

"God," Chris says, "you have no idea."

Zach is still good at this, like Chris remembered. He's got a good angle, keeps a steady, precise pace like the best kind of drummer.

Normally, Chris likes a bit of messy kissing to go along with his sex, but Zach is propped up, inches above him, that tangible expense of air that separates them even as Zach moves in him, moves in him. Zach’s eyes are sharp; Chris is glad he can see them.

They continue. After a bit, Zach says, "Man, you seriously have to let go."

"You're the one that's uptight," Chris says, even though he knows it's true. He lets himself relax.

He presses up, presses close, his mouth against Zach's, and feels the heat.

*

It's the sunshine that wakes Chris up. His bedroom window, from the house he's yet to replace after the Star Trek fame, faces a wall.

Zach's in the bathroom again though the shower's not on. Chris thinks he's probably suppose to be getting dressed right about now, but Zach's bed is very nice and warm, and his clothes still smell like strong perfume.

He thinks, it doesn't have to be hard at all.

Chris is half dozing when Zach comes back. He looks good in just his boxers, still toned and fit and more masculine than Chris remembers.

They're not talking again, even though that's usually when the trouble comes in. Too much emptiness to mess things up. Chris thinks really hard about not being an asshole.

Finally, Zach says, "Dude, if you ask me about arm curls, I am seriously going to have to stop being your friend."

"Nah," Chris says back easily, "I was going to say, 'You're look pretty fucking unperturbable right now'."

Zach laughs. "Good word," he says.

*

Normally, I am not one to have long Author's Notes aside from the description/explanation at the beginning, but there are a few things I want to say:

1. ZQ has a very interesting pattern of speech that sounds both very structured yet lyrical at the same time. He is an eloquent man! If I could, I'd love to mimic it in real life as well as here, but I can't so I settled for making him speak as little as possible and mostly in response to situations that he cannot answer elegantly. I hope this can be forgiven.

2. 'Unperturbable' is a made-up word that was shamelessly stolen from kaneko's Intersections, which is my favourite piece of fanfiction ever written.

3. Chris Pine being kind of a douche is based on this Cosmo article (which, to give him some credit, may or may not be an accurate representation of what he really thinks), the fact that he dated someone best known for being on The Hills, and some interview where a blonde chick flirts with him, and he turns all mushy. To steal another made-up adjective (Mrs. Lintott, History Boys): cunt-struck.

4. The possible impression that this fic may or may not convey that Chris Pine is on a lower scale of intelligence than ZQ is based entirely on the offering up of "anomaly" as a response to ZQ's usage of "zeitgeist" (or something of the ilk). Anomaly is a common word despite its many syllables (as many as five even!) whereas zeitgeist symbolizes the pinnacle of Hegelian dialectics. I'm just saying. (Although, to be fair, he did throw out erudite once I think, so I don't actually think he's thatstupid.)

ETA: I apologize! It was actually 'absconded' that ZQ used (thank you _profiterole_ which is still way more intellectual than 'anomaly'. Also, ZQ quite likes to sneak out a little 'zeitgeist' in his interviews, so I maintain that my original point still stands.

5. Everything I have just said is the most utter bollocks. I'm really just a mean person. I really think Chris Pine The Person seems like a very nice, very sweet, very genuine person. With maybe just a touch of douchyness. Chris Pine The Character is another story.

Least expected consequence of seeing ST: XI: belated crushes on William Shatner

wine.godof@gmail.com — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:19:13 GMT

I actually went to see ST:XI a few days after it came out knowing basically what's permeated the cultural landscape and not much else. I was happy! I was entertained! I had a steady of stream of good-looking men and fist fights to keep me interested!

So I thought, ok, I know TOS came out in the sixties and it has all this stigma attached to it, but what the hell, let's give it a shot. And although I was admittedly distracted by the "special effects" and scenery at first (and ok, the presentation of women is of course not something that I'm particularly comfortable with), I got a lot more excited by it than I thought I would be.

And so, recently watching XI again, I was really surprised at how, with just knowing a bit more about the franchise, my enjoyment of it kind of decreased.

Firstly, I just want to say that obviously J. J. Abrams succeeded in what he set out to do. Make a blockbuster move! Make a movie accessible to the general public! Make an entertaining movie! And have enough Trek in there to satisfy the fans!

But with that said, the movie kind of failed for me in terms of a Star Trek movie.

Or at least what I'm learning to appreciate about Star Trek. I don't know that this was necessarily a central guiding theme for Gene Rodenberry, but what struck me about the episodes I've seen of TOS and the first two movies is the underlying awe and excitement of exploring space and encountering new lifeforms and civilizations. And that they react to these new experiences not with suspicion and hostility that I feel has become a kind of norm for sci-fi movies today, but with empathy and ready acceptance.

I mean, I think of "Devil in the Dark" for example where the whatever creature (I'm terrible with names) just killed something like fifty of their men, but when Kirk and Spock finally figure out what's going on, everyone pardons its actions and the humans and the creature work out a symbiotic relationship. It's not just the heroes who possess the special ability to see beyond the immediate past. It's a universe where the response to injury is not immediate revenge, where people look at something that's harmed them deeply, something that's so completely different from them that's not even based on the same atomic element and yet can still say, "Yes, I understand you, you are like me, your motivations and actions are just like my motivations and actions, and even though I have the upper hand now, I don't need to exert that. Instead, let's move on and embrace each other as friends and think about what we can accomplish together."

This, this wows me.

I think also of the scientific joy, the awe when they talk about the possibility of sulfur based life, echoed in TMP when they meet V'Ger, in Khan when the see Genesis, and just in general permeating everything I've seen of Star Trek so far. Excitement at the novelty of what they're experiencing, at the possibilities of what's out there.

So yeah, after watching XI again, I kept thinking: where's the wonder? Where's the inviting in of something foreign to their understanding? I mean, for a crew that's ostensibly the younger reincarnation, this Enterprise feels much more jaded to me. Hey, people can apparently create black holes and travel through time by through one! Ok, I've accepted it, let's move on to the next action sequence. I mean, it's understood that this kind of thing is part of the accepted reality in imaginative media, but still, I want a bit more "Wow!".

(P.S., dear writers, um black holes aren't holes; there's something there. I mean, the whole point is that they're so dense that not even light can escape, so how can you travel through them? I can handwave a lot, but this one is a bit too obvious.)

Besides that, the re-characterization didn't really bother me for the most part. Yeah, Chris Pine's Kirk is only like Shatner's Kirk in the most superficial ways (and not really for the better), but I don't think it has anything to do with Chris Pine's performance or interpretation. I mean, it's obviously what the script called for and in line with the whole "opening up to general audiences" by making the hero more of an every-man I guess. Whatever, Kirk's life obviously has been the most dramatically changed by the timeline crossing so I can buy that he's a completely different person.

I found ZQ's Spock to be both a lot more cold and distanced and passionate and emotional than Nimoy's. Like, he seemed to gravitate between those too extremes for me whereas Spock!Prime had sort of settled down to a place he was comfortable with. But he's suppose to be younger and having just witnessed the destruction of Vulcan and whatnot, it's understandable and probably makes for a more dynamic character.

Karl Urban's McCoy was pretty right on for me. I don't think any of the other characters really resonated too deeply for me to really say they were perfect but they seemed to be pretty decent. Good cast as well, imo. The exception being Uhura as the requisite female love interest. The characterization was pretty off for me and the romance just felt unnecessary, but again la la blockbuster movie, I get it, I'm not upset about it.

And hey, it was still very entertaining to watch! :)

(Captain Fine is still definitely fine. And ZQ improves with acquaintance.)

Oh, and William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy have the kind of friendship that makes me melt. ♥

...but last time I got my eyes checked was in tenth grade.

wine.godof@gmail.com — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 03:28:42 GMT

It could be just me, but Arthur's face totally randomly reminds me of Jensen Ackles. I think it's the cheek bones?